Comparing Books To Reality #2: The Third Party Bitchiness Syndrome

Have you ever noticed typical romances have a few characteristics in common? Let’s talk about one of those today- The Third Party Bitchiness Syndrome. Really bums me out. So I’m gonna rant about it.

Girl meets boy. Initially thinks he’s an asshole or player. Tries to keep distance but realizes she has no self control and does not know how to say no to sex. Finds out he has a girlfriend or wife or some horrible ex who is intent of ruining their happy ever after. Ya know, fun stuff.

The thing that makes me lean back in my seat and go 

is the fact that this third person involved is always such a goddamn bitch. It’s like the sole purpose in that chick’s life is to ruin someone else’s life. Like that’s what gets her off. She stays awake at night with an evil smile, plotting the next Anti-Cupid Plan.

And if it’s from the guy’s perspective, there’s always that one asshole boyfriend/husband/ex in the girl’s life that is abusive, controlling, mean ass douchebag, Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. And the hero is (obviously) the opposite of everything this asshole is.

It’s like they’re not even trying to make it realistic anymore. When does it happen in real life that a person is an unequivocal retarded dickwad? There’s always shades of grey to every person. Sometimes exes are fine. Sometimes they just do shit and accidentally causes a fight. Sometimes the protagonist is just being an insecure whiny ass bitch.

My point is, the third party isn’t always wrong but the way romance authors portray it, they might as well have been a love child of Medusa and Antichrist. Growing up, I read tons of young adult novels and they all had the exact same theme. Most of my knowledge, life skills and emotional intelligence comes from novels (as it does for tons of other peeps like me), and learning over and over again that the third party is always a bitch made me believe it happened in real too.

It doesn’t. Don’t hate on the ex cuz they tapped your boo before you.

In conclusion, my message to authors:

• Don’t make hateous characters without showing their reason for being that way.
• Don’t make characters that are completely black or white.
• Don’t send out the wrong messages to little girls and boys because they grow up reading your books. With great influence comes great responsibility and conscience.
• Don’t slut shame anybody in the book. Just because they dated someone earlier, even if that someone is an asshole, slut shaming is still wrong. (I’m looking at you, Aurora Rose Reynolds.)

And I didn’t understand half of that until I exited my teens, developed a conscience, saw life a little and went back to those typical books again. I couldn’t handle half the bullshit in there.

This is for the girls too. Don’t call another girl a slut. It’s not your problem she is or isn’t or was or wasn’t fucking. There is absolutely no situation where it’s okay to do that.

So those were the symptoms and causes of the Third Party Bitchiness Syndrome. The cure is simple- get woke.

Toodles!